


give you my heart and soul

by hannahwrites



Category: The Maze Runner Series - James Dashner
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Set In The Glade, all the emotions, also english isn't my first language, and that's all, literally ignored everything, so be gentle with me, there's only newt and thomas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 08:35:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,796
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13971315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahwrites/pseuds/hannahwrites
Summary: Won't you stay with me tonight?You could be my cureYou're afraidI'm a bad guyAll I do is hurt-Barcelona, "Cure"Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on every once in a while.





	give you my heart and soul

**Author's Note:**

> Hurt/Comfort, you say?  
> TDC left me hurt and I wrote this for comfort.  
> Enjoy.

The first time it happened, Thomas had just arrived at the Glade. Overwhelmed with his new surroundings, the other Gladers and mostly losing his memory and not even knowing his own name, it wasn’t a surprising reaction. Thomas obviously didn’t remember if he was an emotional person before but judging from how hard it had been to keep his emotions in throughout his entire first day and from how easily the tears started flowing once he was sure he was alone, he guesses he must’ve been. 

Wandering around in the dark with no proper goal in mind, everyone else asleep, Thomas finally arrived at the Council Hall (which he didn’t know it was called at that point, of course). He sank down on one of the steps, grateful for the moment of peace and quiet, and before he knew it, he could feel himself tearing up. At first, he tried holding the tears in, telling himself what kind of person gets so desperate so early on into something? He soon gave in to the inevitable though and let the tears fall freely, arms on his knees and head resting in his hands. 

He couldn’t have said how long he spent in that position, he only knew that the salty water was already dripping down his arms and that his pants and the part of his shirt he used to wipe his face with were damp, which, admittedly, was really disgusting. 

Somehow Thomas managed not to startle when he felt a gentle touch on his back. In fact, he didn’t even turn around when the gentle touch turned into more pressure, a hand rubbing up and down his back. He wasn’t sure whether to feel grateful or disturbed in his moment of despair and, yes, maybe a little self-pity. 

When the other person slowly sank down next to him and the rubbing hand left his back, Thomas finally looked to his left to see Newt, not looking at him but straight ahead, his features tired but soft. Newt pressed his shoulder against Thomas’ in silent support while Thomas’ did his best to catch his breath and hide his red eyes and runny nose from the other. 

Newt nudged him gently, as if to say, “take your time” and Thomas felt himself leaning hesitantly and only slightly against the other boy. 

Only when Thomas’ breathing had evened out and the damp parts of his clothes had dried, Newt stood up, reaching his hand out towards Thomas in a kind gesture that suggested they get going. Thomas grabbed it and wordlessly pulled himself up, feeling grateful when Newt held on a little longer to make sure he was standing steadily. 

Newt led the way back to Thomas’ assigned sleeping place and waited until Thomas’ head touched the pillow before he gave him a slight nod, not an unkind one, and left. He would’ve left Thomas highly confused, had he not been exhausted from all the crying and staying up so late. 

***

The next time Newt found him, Thomas was in the Council Hall again, this time at the bottom of the stairs. He was rolled up in a ball, leaning against the lowest stair and seemingly making himself as small as possible. This time it wasn’t sobs that were making his body shake, but shuddering breaths that made it seem like the ball he was curled into served the sole purpose of holding him together. 

When Newt reached Thomas, he gently pressed his hand against his upper back, like he did the first time, as if to announce his arrival and then lowered himself next to Thomas. He carefully pried Thomas’ hands from where they were clenching onto his calves and, applying only the necessary amount of pressure, pressed against his shoulder, lifting Thomas’ chest so that he was sitting almost upright. 

Newt sat down cross-legged, facing Thomas and, with his hand still on the other one’s shoulder, started breathing loudly, exaggerating every slow in- and exhale. With every exhale he pressed against Thomas’ shoulder gently, with every inhale he released the pressure, slowly and steadily helping Thomas even out his breathing.

When their breaths came in a slow, calm sync, Thomas lifted his gaze, meeting Newt’s. Both of their eyes barely managed to mask the exhaustion the two felt, but with another deep breath Thomas tried to lay every bit of emotion he felt into one meaningful look. He hoped the immense gratitude he felt for Newt finding and helping him out not only once, but twice already, was conveyed in the sincere look he gave him. 

As if to signalise that yes, Newt understood, he squeezed Thomas’ shoulder and then got up before, like last time, holding his hand out for Thomas to get up as well.  
And like the time before, Newt led him back to his sleeping place and waited for him to settle down, before turning around. This time Thomas’ own sleepy smile was met with an upward twitch of Newt’s lip.

***

The next time Thomas remembered it happening, he was already in tears on his way towards the Council Hall. By now he was almost 100% certain that he had been an emotional person before – or the polar opposite and he now needed to get rid of all of the tears he never let out in all of his years prior to the maze. 

Sitting down on one of the steps he was almost expecting Newt and he was not disappointed. While he was wiping his nose on his sleeve – yes, disgusting – he heard Newt’s footsteps coming up behind him and soon felt the familiar pressure of his greeting on his back. This time Thomas turned his head, only to catch Newt in a soft smile that made him look years younger than the frown he usually wore. 

When Newt realised he’d been caught his face fell, not to a frown and for sure not to an unkind expression, but the smile vanished nonetheless. Still, he took his seat next to Thomas.

Newt pressed their shoulders together again, but Thomas let himself fall into Newt’s chest, burying his face in the other’s shoulder. After a moment’s hesitation, Newt wrapped his arm around Thomas, holding him first with a soft, careful touch, but when he felt the other’s tears in his shirt he strengthened his grip.  
When Thomas’ tears had ebbed down, he lifted his head a little, resting it on Newt’s shoulder instead of burying it and basically nestled his nose into Newt’s neck. The other tensed up for a moment, too long for Thomas not to notice and he was about to pull back when Newt relaxed into the touch and started rubbing Thomas’ upper arm with his thumb. 

After a while of sitting in a comfortable silence like this, Newt wriggled a little to free himself from Thomas and get up, and had Thomas not been sure to know better, he’d have thought Newt pressed a quick kiss to his head in doing so. But he was sure to know better and he missed the flash of Newt’s nervous grin that could’ve convinced him of the opposite.

***

Time and time again, Newt would come to Thomas’ rescue, soothing him, holding him, never speaking, but always gently comforting. Each time it happened, they somehow managed to shift closer.

At first it was just Thomas next to Newt, Newt’s arm around Thomas, Thomas’ face buried somewhere between Newt’s chest and shoulder. Innocent enough. Then Thomas would put his head in Newt’s lap sometimes and after a while of getting warmed up to the idea, Newt started running his fingers through Thomas’ hair, quickly realising which movements made him sigh contently and which – embarrassingly enough – made him close to purr. Sometimes Thomas sat between Newt’s legs, his back facing Newt’s chest and feeling the other’s calm, steady heartbeat against his back had an immensely calming effect on him. At one point, one particularly bad night, Thomas had even crawled into Newt’s lap, curling himself up to a ball there and only upon gentle coaxing through soft touches had uncurled. 

One thing always stayed the same though: they never spoke. Neither at night, when Newt just silently held on to Thomas and provided him with whatever kind of comfort the other needed, nor during the day. Newt treated Thomas like he had treated every other greenie during the day, showing him around, explaining, answering questions, in a kind, but slightly distanced manner. Nobody would ever have known of their secret, unspoken agreement, their nightly meetings and Thomas himself began to doubt if they were even real and not some weird creepy dream he was having. 

It’s not that he minded the not-talking at night. Newt seemed to have grasped like no other that sometimes all it needed was a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold you while you let it all out, someone to not care whether their t-shirt was tear- or snot-stained afterwards. 

And it’s not like Thomas would’ve had any clue what they would talk about differently in the day either, it just somehow felt weird that neither of them had ever recognised what they were doing.

Come to think of it, Thomas even feared he was using Newt or that Newt felt obliged to come hold him for whatever reason and it made him feel incredibly guilty. 

So when the following time he walked into the Council Hall during a not-particularly-bad but sleepless night, he saw someone sitting in the very far corner, he wanted to take the responsibility of Newt’s shoulders and be there for whoever it was himself. 

As Thomas carefully stepped closer though, he recognised blond hair and a slim build that he immediately connected to Newt. Heart pounding, Thomas slowly walked even closer until there was no doubt that it was Newt.

He looked absolutely pathetic, the opposite of the strong and kind leader he was during the day. Knees drawn to his chest, he was staring into nothing, his eyes glazed over and not seeming to notice Thomas. His face was pale and there were dark circles under his eyes and another wave of guilt washed towards Thomas – Newt stayed awake for him, missed out on his own sleep for Thomas. 

Thomas hesitated, didn’t want to intrude, didn’t even know if Newt wanted him to be here or see him like that. Come to think of it, even during their nightly meetings, when Thomas was crying and shaking and overall disgustingly covered in tears and snot and sweat, Newt didn’t waver, was the strong shoulder to lean on even when he himself looked like he was about to collapse from fatigue. 

And so Thomas swallowed his hesitation and took the final step towards Newt, announcing himself the same way Newt always did: with gentle pressure to Newt’s back. Newt’s reaction came immediately, his body straightening out and tensing up and his eyes shooting towards Thomas in an equally frightened and intimidating glare. 

When he realised whom he was facing though, Newt’s shoulders and head dropped, and he loosened his defensive stance. Thomas slowly and carefully took a seat next to Newt, leaving about a hands-width of space between them, in case the blonde needed it. Newt shuffled towards Thomas though and before Thomas could do anything, Newt had buried his face in Thomas’ shoulder, clutching his shirt tightly.

Gently Thomas wrapped his arms around Newt, fully encompassing him, and started rubbing small circles on his back. He felt slightly lost and still a little guilty. His guilt was increased when he noticed that somehow, he felt relieved at the sight of Newt breaking down, letting his carefully placed guard down. Thomas also felt a weird sense of pride at being the one Newt would trust to be vulnerable in front of. 

Lost in thought, Thomas hadn’t noticed that Newt had moved, his head no longer buried in Thomas’ shoulder but held upright. Thomas only snapped out of it when he felt the arm he had wrapped around Newt being removed gently, so that Newt could use his own arm, tiredly rubbing his eyes. 

Thomas watched him do so and with a sense of bewilderment felt his pulse speed up a little, his chest feeling warm. He let his eyes glide over Newt’s posture, holding himself up barely, the strong, proud stance of a leader only recognisable if you knew it had been there. Scanning his face as well, Thomas noticed things he hadn’t noticed before, and he noticed that he was not platonically noticing them. The curve of Newt’s nose, the way the skin under his eyes was tainted with dark shadows that contrasted his otherwise rather fair skin tone, the way his skin was stretched over his jaw and the way his cheekbones were like a trail, leading Thomas’ eyes to his lips. 

Thomas felt Newt’s curious eyes on his and met them with his own for the split of a second, before without a moment’s hesitation, crashing their lips together. 

He felt Newt’s entire body tense up, shell shocked at the sudden action or maybe at the kiss, and suddenly as if he hadn’t been realising what he had been doing, Thomas was dropped back into reality, pulling back as if he had been burned by Newt’s lips. 

Newt was breathing heavily, eyes wide and staring at Thomas with an unreadable expression before he jumped up, almost sprinting out of the Council Hall.

***

The next time, actually the night after that, Thomas was alone. He was tired from not having slept at all the night before, his mind too preoccupied with how royally he had fucked up. There was this one person who was willing to comfort him in the moments when he needed it most, in what he considered more than just a partnership of convenience, and he just had to let his emotions get the better of him. A spur of the moment action never had any positive consequences, but you only ever know that after the moment is over. And Thomas knew now.

So there he was, sitting alone in his self-inflicted Newt-lessness, wallowing in self-pity. He felt like that first night all over again, as if the only thing that had made the Glade familiar and even kind of homey for him had been Newt. Now he had to start over, learn the ropes of life in the Glade without Newt’s constant calming presence, his quiet reassurance. 

Thomas was crying, and he was angry at himself for it. Being sad here, at their place, without Newt felt all kinds of wrong. And being sad because of Newt felt even more wrong. He wasn’t even sure if his tears were sad tears over his general state of being, mourning tears over the beautiful companionship he had ruined or angry tears at himself for ruining it in the first place.

Why he even did it in the first place, he wasn’t all to sure. It was one of those things that Thomas just did, without thinking, because it was what felt right in that moment. Since last night, Thomas had been thinking and thinking and thinking about it, and he had come to the conclusion that it hadn’t only felt right in the moment. It just felt right, overall. Newt and he felt like a good thing, something he should cherish and hold near and dear to his heart. Should have cherished, Thomas thought bitterly to himself.

He wasn’t sure what it was about Newt that mesmerised him so completely and utterly, but he was quite certain he had never felt that about a person before. Thomas wouldn’t call it love – how would he know love anyways. But he felt connected to Newt in a way that he didn’t even experience with Teresa, and she could read his mind for god’s sake.  
Following through with this train of thought though, Thomas realised that there was only one thing he could do, for his and Newt’s sake. Avoiding him was absolutely out of question, but the only sensible thing Thomas could think of that wouldn’t mean a permanent separation from Newt was to pretend it never happened. 

He would confront Newt, tell him straight up he was sorry, he would apologise and beg on his knees if that was what Newt wanted, as long as they could keep their nightly meetings, their weird little friendship intact. 

If it was scary how fast Thomas had fallen for this total stranger, he didn’t let himself feel it. He had sorted out his priorities and his top one was that Newt was comfortable with whatever arrangement it would take for them to still stay comfortable with each other. And if that meant Thomas had to repress the not so platonic side of his feelings, then so be it. There was more than enough platonic love between him and Newt even without Thomas’ non-platonic one. 

Well aware that he wouldn’t get the pleasure of a good night’s sleep this night either, he found a small slip of paper to slide between Newt’s stuff and wrote: “tomorrow night. usual spot. please.”

***

Newt wasn’t showing up. 

Thomas’ heart sank when the realisation slowly dawned upon him. He wouldn’t come. Thomas had been sitting on the steps of the Council Hall for so long he could barely feel his butt anymore and lucky as he was, he had picked a particularly cold night which left him shivering in his short-sleeved shirt. 

He pretended the only reason he was shaking was the cold, not how hurt he felt or how desperate it made him feel to know that Newt probably couldn’t forgive him and he had fucked up the one thing that made his current life really liveable. 

With an exasperated sigh that would’ve softened the hardest of hearts, Thomas put his head in his hands and fought back the tears that were threatening to fall. 

When he heard footsteps behind him he spun around even before Newt could place a hesitant hand on his back.

“You’re here” Thomas whispered, finally breaking their usual silence. 

“I’m here” Newt said back quietly, his intonation making it sound like a question to himself more than a statement. 

“I’m sorry” Thomas said next with all the sincerity he could muster. 

“I’m sorry” Newt answered, putting emphasis on the I. 

Thomas startled. He was prepared to react to anything and nothing, to Newt yelling or being angry, to Newt being quiet and judgy, to Newt straight up refusing to talk, but not to this. 

“Why would you be sorry? I basically jumped you.” Thomas stated in disbelief, adding “And I’m so sorry”

“I’m not a home wrecker Tommy, this is not something I do” Newt explained, guilt audible in the words.

“Wait what? Stop fucking with me, what are you talking about?” Thomas could just about stop himself from bursting into laughter. Newt had somehow turned insane in their one-day-and-one-night of not seeing each other.

“Thomas if you can square that with your conscience, it’s worrying, but it’s your thing. But I can’t and to be honest I don’t think you should either” Newt spoke slowly, as if Thomas was daft.

“Like, I understand the words you’re saying, but you are not making any sense. What the hell are you talking about?” Thomas was absolutely ready to shake Newt if his next sentence was as confusing and weird and unsatisfying as the ones before. He was starting to doubt that they were even talking about the same thing. Though, was there anything else they needed to have a discussion about?

“Okay Tommy I didn’t peg you to be THIS slow, but if you must: I cannot be the one someone cheats with. It’s not the kind of person I am”

“Someone…what?” Thomas stared at him in complete and utter disbelief. He racked his brain trying to find anyone he could possibly be dating here in the Glade, but the only one he had a slightly-above-ordinary social contact ratio with was Minho and he was way too self-assured as to need someone else to love him.

Newt rolled his eyes exasperatedly as if he really truly couldn’t believe Thomas could be this stupid.  
“Do I seriously have to spell it out for you?”

“Please do because I have no idea in hell what you are talking about”

“Teresa?” Newt asked, drawing his eyebrows up.

Thomas stayed perfectly still for a second, waiting for Newt to yell something along the lines of “APRIL FOOLS”, but when that didn’t happen, he burst into a fit of laughter.

“You’re not serious” he wheezed when he had recovered, clutching his side that hurt from laughing too much.

Newt just gave him another confused look, eyebrows still dangerously close to disappearing in his hairline. 

Thomas took a few deep breaths, steadying himself from the giggles that were still shaking his body. “Teresa is your problem? Really? Is she the only problem you have with this?” he waved his hand between their bodies. 

“Well, yes, but that’s more than enough of a problem, innit?” Newt asked hypothetically, still confused. 

Thomas let out another triumphant laugh, raising his hand towards Newt and lacing it into his hair before pulling him close and pressing their lips together again. 

Newt pushed him away immediately this time, not waiting for Thomas to be considerate enough to stop. 

“Thomas, what the actual bloody hell. Either you tell me what is bloody going on or I am leaving.” Anger was laced in his voice and Thomas obeyed immediately.

“I am gay. Very gay. I like men. Not interested in women in the slightest. Now Teresa, you see, she’s a woman. Which, like, makes her not romantically interesting, get me?” Thomas explained, barely biting back a grin.

“You fucking….” Newt mumbled, shaking his head in disbelief. Then he stopped and looked straight at Thomas, his eyes burning with fury, “You fucking idiot, you! Leaving me to believe you two were together and then making me like you and then fucking kissing me and then not telling me anything about this, you have some fucking issues!” 

Thomas just kept grinning at him and, fulfilling every single romcom stereotype, said with a dreamy smile “You like me.” 

Newt started shaking his head again. “You are such a bloody idiot, and I like you”

“Well, that’s settled then.” Thomas said with a bright, content smile, “Because guess what? I like you too”

Still staring at Thomas in disbelief, Newt rolled his eyes. “Settled” he huffed.

Thomas just grinned and closed his eyes, making grabby hands at Newt.

“Settled. Your turn.”

And if he was surprised when Newt’s lips actually met his in a gentle kiss, he didn’t let it show.


End file.
